I have reached my limit and I have to get this under control.  Okay, if I don't want to spend the money on meetings, thats fine, I don't have to.  Online is cheaper anyway, and I haven't enjoyed meetings in some time. I can't let my embarrassment for failing stop me from beginning again. 

I have a few very specific goals and I am going to say them right now.

1-I am taking my first plane ride in July, and if I continue to gain, it's going to be a very painful and embarrasing experience.
2-I want to get back to the lowest weight I was.  When I compare how I have felt the last few weeks to when I was at my lowest, it's a huge difference.  When I was losing weight the first time around, I never knew what it felt like to be that lower weight, cause it had been so long since I had felt it.  Now I know what I am missing. 
3-I want to get more active again, I feel like I cannot physically do the things I want to do again.  When I was at my lowest weight I was tackling the stairs, 4 flights whenever I felt like it.  Now I am back to my lazy self taking the elevator, cause my knees hurt or my hip or my feet.  I feel like an old woman. 
4-I want to elimnate the stigma and fear again.  Believe it or not when I was down to 324, I was so confident that I went to places and participated in things I realize I cannot do now.  I feel that fear again, when I go to a new place.  Are there going to be stupid kids there that will make fun of me?  Do I dare walk in alone? 
5-I started driving last year, and when I started I was very comfortable in the drivers seat, now physically I can get the seatbelt on barely, but not if I am wearing a coat.  I really want to take my test and get my license, the freedom of that taunts me.

 

I have to feel like I am in control again.  It's scary yes, but it is so worth it, and I have to keep reminding myself this every time I want to buy chips or ice cream.  I can use your support!

 

I hope online will give me the tools I need and iI can find it within myself to be the thinner Erica I know is inside.